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Christmas Tears and Hope

Christmas season at Toronto Eaton Centre
© 2019 Charles Dunlevy

I suppose I am a survivor. At times I wonder why I am still here. Other times, I am thankful to be here. One of the hardest times of the year for me is Christmas. Christmas is a time to be with family. It is a time to show love to your loved ones and celebrate the birth of Christ (if Christian) or the madness which is Santa Claus (secular).

My immediate family here in Canada are no longer here. They have gone to a better place I am sure. I am here all alone and am reminded of the situation every year around Christmas. I usually receive several invites to be with my friends and their families. I appreciate their kindness, but can’t help feeling awful seeing everybody enjoying the season with their families while I have none.

I always hear the tired old saying from my friends, “we are your family.” While I appreciate the sentiment and consider my closest friends my “brothers”, it still does not make up for the fact that I no longer have an immediate biological family. The pain is real and I tend to mask it each and every year.

I try to be happy for my friends because I don’t want them to feel down because of my plight. I try to be happy for my Mom because I don’t want her looking down on me from Heaven and crying because her baby boy is all alone.

I have two brothers in particular who, while not biologically related, might as well be. I have known these guys for most of my life and have always been a part of their extended family. I usually spend my Christmas at their sprawling estate. This year, it pained me to tell them and the family that I will be staying home this year due to the pandemic.

Being home alone on Christmas has its ups and downs. This might be considered manic depressive if analysed. On one hand, I enjoy the peace and quiet of being home in my luxurious suite. I am free to listen to whatever music I like. I can drink all the beer I want and eat whatever I crave. Christmas is not a time for dieting. I always tell people during the holiday season to go forth and eat cake, drink, and be merry.

I did just that this year. I had a good time watching movies, playing videos games, eating a LOT of food, drinking a LOT of beer, dancing, and listening to music. Some of my dearest friends contacted me via text and instant messaging. I spoke with two of my brothers and one of my lovely sisters on the phone. I rarely use the phone, but these three people are so dear to me I had to call them.

At times I found myself feeling happy, then sad. I heard from friends who although they were with their families, felt depressed due to the ongoing pandemic and how it has impacted everyone. I reassured them that this year is a blip on the radar and next Christmas will be bigger than ever.

I usually spend Christmas Day with my extended “family” at their mansion, and the days surrounding Christmas dining and dating my lovely ladies, or drinking with the guys. This year I could not do any of this. I found myself living vicariously through movies and video games.

I miss my biological family like you wouldn’t believe. I will never stop shedding tears for them. I am thankful for my close friends and brothers. I love my lovely ladies and look forward to seeing them again once it is safe to travel around the globe or the city.

I find that music and beer offer me an escape from the realities that afflict me. I catch a rhythm, cannot remain still, and start dancing and singing. I have been listening to a wide variety of songs this weekend…. classic house, Korean ballads, soulful house, garage house, Afro house, tech house, classical piano, Korean trot, Nigerian Afrobeats, and traditional Yoruba music.

I sit here by my big, beautiful, bay window looking out over a vast city that nobody can enjoy during the pandemic. I think, maybe I should end this misery and pain by flying out the window… maybe not. I look outside and see a world that I will be enjoying again in no time. I see a world that needs my presence. There are several wonderful women in my life who would start World War 3 if something were to happen to me. They and my brothers give me hope and strength.

Side story: I am sitting here with two laptops and two smartphones, wearing my computer nerd glasses, listening to Yoruba music, drinking Boneshaker IPA, and writing these thoughts. I think I should post this and then contact a few choice friends.

Be safe and Merry Christmas.

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Pandemic Pounds

Since many of us are spending a lot of time at home these days, we tend to be gaining weight. Fortunately for me, I gained a bit of weight during the first few months of the pandemic before starting to up my home exercise game.

Our condo gyms have been closed seemingly forever. They were allowed to open for a brief period this past summer on an appointment basis where only you or who lives in your suite may access during a 1-hour block of time. This lasted all of a couple of weeks before the provincial government shut them down again.

I booked my time at the gym but quickly found that it was not worth it. They had removed the free weights which I use for most of my training. They also removed the medicine and stability balls, plus yoga mats.

After working out on the Hoist machines and the treadmill, I decided to purchase a few items for the home. I did not want to clutter my suite so I abstained from ordering a full weight set. I ordered a set of resistance bands, resistance loops, and stability ball.

Since that day, I have been working out in the safety of my suite doing crunches, push-ups, boxing, running on the spot, and hundreds of exercises using the equipment I purchased. I started to register weight loss but not at a rate I was hoping for. I then realized this was due to the shear muscle mass I have been putting on. The fat is melting away and the muscle is not just being maintained as planned, but it is growing.

I may just write some posts illustrating various exercises I have learned. Every time I use the stability ball I find a different way to benefit from it… and the best thing is that every single thing you do with the ball works your core muscles.

The end of the pandemic is upon us and there is no reason to not get some exercise in a safe manner which does not jeopardise you or anybody else. Stay safe and get jacked. Fun times are ahead.

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Itaewon Class

Saturday night in Itaewon
© 2018 Charles Dunlevy

Those who know me well know that I love Korean dramas. These television series are just incredible. Korean dramas tend to employ some fantastic writing. It is the only genre of television which takes me through a wide variety of emotions.

I am not sure what it is but Korean dramas and movies that draws me in emotionally. I find myself relating to some of the characters and genuinely caring about them despite the fact that the stories are completely fictional.

The stories involve several plot twists and turns and you just never know what to expect next. In some cases, you might hate a character in the beginning, but by the end you admire them. The same goes in the reverse… a character you like in the beginning you might find yourself hating by the end.

Right when you think the story is about to end, another twist is thrown in and it continues. I would say these are the best-written television shows in the entire business.

Itawon Class is a drama released on Netflix in 2020 about a young man who gets into business to avenge the death of his father. I guess that is the simplest way that I can explain the plot. I really do not wish to give away the story, so I will not divulge anymore details.

This story takes on a lot of serious topics. It deals with class, love, racism, business, friendship, bullying, sibling rivalry, and hate.

One of the main characters was bullied by his half-brother. He was not really loved as he was considered the “bastard” of the family having been born out of wedlock.

Another character had to deal with hatred for being transgendered. The things this character goes through can bring tears to your eyes and make you realize how cruel people can be.

I have been watching Korean dramas since 2012. All these years I have not seen them deal with subjects such as transgender and racial bigotry. There is a Black character in this series who has to deal with being treated as an outsider despite his back story which I will not spoil.

Love is a central theme in Korean dramas and the lead character is caught between two women who love him dearly. As I watch, I try to get into his shoes and think about how I would approach the situation. Oh the drama!

The cast of characters each have their own backstory and dilemma and it is interesting to learn about each as the series progresses.

I find that I can relate to some of what I saw in this show. For instance, the death of a parent resonates deep with me. There are scenes which brought me to tears thinking about my dear mother who has passed on. The issues with the transgender character resonates with me because I went to school with a girl who was transgender and I saw what she went through. I recently saw a transgender at a local bar who was treated poorly by random people. Racism is something I have dealt with my entire life. I am fortunate to have never experienced racism while I was in Korea, but I am well informed of its existence.

This is a wonderful drama that I highly recommend. The soundtrack is also fantastic to listen to. I really love the music that goes along with Korean dramas. They employ wonderful vocals with piano and classical instruments. It is a far better genre of music than K-pop which to me is manufactured industry junk. Korean ballads are far better than K-pop.

By the way, Itaewon is a district in Seoul known to have a lot of foreigners. I do not spend too much time there when I am in Korea because it reminds me a lot of Toronto. It makes no sense for me to fly 11,000 kilometres from home to be in a similar environment. That being said, I think Itaewon has a much better nightlife than Toronto. It is a great place to go when feeling homesick while in Korea. People work very hard in Korea and really know how to unwind after a long day’s work. That is a topic for another day.

Go ahead and watch Itaewon Class on Netflix today! This show is fantastic. It will bring tears to your eyes… both sorrow and joy. It will inspire you with your own life. It will make you feel anger, sadness, worry, and joy. You get the full round of emotions while watching this wonderful series.

I will leave you with a beautiful song from the series:

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