It’s been one year. One year of this Hell. One year of life being placed on hold. This week, local media was busy “commemorating” the one year anniversary of the pandemic being declared in this country.
Over the course of the past year, thousands have lost their jobs. Thousands have lost their businesses. Even less talked about are the thousands if not millions who have lost their minds.
This damned pandemic has turned most of our lives upside down. To make matters worse, the pandemic seems to be far worse in some countries than others. I have colleagues, girlfriends, friends, and wives in other countries where their lives have not been disrupted anywhere near those of us in Canada, USA, UK, Italy, and other nations. This is a mystery that nobody wants to discuss.
Although I am fortunate to be able to work from home, I am also compassionate towards those who cannot work at all. I have friends who are out of work. I have friends who lost their businesses. I have friends who are losing their minds. I am losing my mind.
I always believed that there is more to life than work. Since the damned pandemic, all I have been able to do is work. Yes, I am thankful that I am still able to work, but asides that, there is nothing to do. I can’t even go out for coffee, let alone beer or live music. Everything is closed and has been seemingly forever. I have not been able to work out in my gym for a year.
I sit here day in and day out wondering how this is affecting others. I worry about what people may end up doing as this drags on longer and longer. I myself have had some very bad thoughts. This is not a natural way for human beings. We were never supposed to live in isolation, be it alone or with a spouse. Humans were made to interact with people outside their homes.
The vaccines are rolling out. There seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel… except the pace of the roll out is painfully slow. In the meantime, all we can do is wait. Eventually this shall pass and our lives may return to some degree or another.
I am certain that most of us will suffer lasting effects from this ordeal. Let me be the first to say that if I survive this pandemic, I will never, ever be the same person I was before. The experience of prolonged isolation has had a lasting and permanent impact on my mental state.
Being in isolation showed me that I really am in the world all by myself. My lovely wives are overseas, but I am stuck here alone in Canada’s largest city. I log into Facebook and see nothing but family-related posts from my friends who are spending their free time with their immediate families. I no longer see posts from free-spirited people like myself who live in the limelight and are social creatures. The damned overreaching lockdown has killed social life for us socialites.
I have not signed an autograph in over one year. This is the longest I have gone without doing so. I have not posed for selfies with adoring fans for over a year. The fame and glory that I have become used to over the past decade has all but dried up.
Socialites like me were meant to meet new people every single day. We were designed to be loved by the masses. We were designed to be hugged and kissed by millions and millions when we go out and about. Over the past year, we have been forced to wear masks and avoid any contact with those we do not know. This is akin to dying a slow death.
Speaking of death, yes, we are going there… death is a horrible and depressing topic but one we cannot avoid. The pandemic has had me thinking about my future. Prior to the discovery of vaccines, I found myself thinking, what if there is no cure for this? What if we must live with these restrictions forever? My answer was that I would rather not live if that is how life will have to be forever.
I lost a lot of friends and family who were dear to my heart since I was a teenager. If I have to live the rest of my life avoiding contact with other human beings, unable to travel, I might as well join my dearly departed. I have no intention on spending the rest of my life living as I have been the past 12 months.
I pray to Allah/God almighty that we get out of this pandemic in due time. I pray that we may return to life as we once knew it. More than anything I want to be able to mingle with the masses again. I want to fly around the world. I want this damned pandemic to end. I want my sanity to return.
Speaking of sanity, what about those who are in a worse position than I? The increasing homeless population now consists of people who lost their jobs or businesses because of the pandemic. The increasing number of people who after losing their life savings and businesses have now turned to drugs to ease their minds. The increasing number of people who are now suffering depression.
Those who know me closely are aware of my battles with depression. Since the pandemic was declared, I have found an unbelievable number of friends are now experiencing depression. I try my best to give them tips and advice that work for me. Some of the happiest people I know are now struggling to cope with depression.
Although I have these dark thoughts, I have not yet given up hope. I am working towards the day when I may live my life as I had before. I am looking forward to travelling again. I am still dreaming of the day when I can quit my job and live all around the world. I am still building my company and writing the first two of several books. I cannot depart this world while those projects and dreams remain outstanding.
Before I close this, I must mention that there is one term that makes me throw up inside whenever I hear it. “We are all in this together.” I have never heard a more cringe-worthy term in my life. It borders on a downright lie. Everyone has been affected in different ways by this damned pandemic. Some of us are isolated without our families and wives by our sides. How the Hell can you look at people like us and say, “We are all in this together”?
One thing I learned during this damned pandemic is that I am here all alone. I am the only person who really matters. From here on in, my number one focus is myself. I love my wives and I am separated by them not by choice, but by this damned pandemic, but I realize that I must look out for me first. I can worry about everyone else later. Some might call me selfish. I might say, “to Hell with ya” in response.
I have endured a lot of death, accidents, and tragedies throughout my life. Each event added layers to my mental scars. The pandemic has just added several more. There is no cure. No turning back. Just accept what I have become or you know where to go.
I hope to God that next year we can enjoy the finer things in life… dining with different lovely ladies 5 nights a week, dancing in night clubs, relaxing at cafes, working out at the gym, watching live theatre, participating in cultural festivals, travelling around the world, and many more.
Until then, let us all continue to practice this awful but life-saving thing called social distancing. Let us hang in there a bit longer. I will see you all again sooner rather than later. Stay safe.