Isolated Thoughts

I sit here staring through the window.  I sip on a beer. I can feel the buzz through my existence.  I catch myself sitting here doing nothing.  

Music by Genesis is playing in the background as I fight with myself over whether to write or code.  I am lost.  I am staring.  I see trees.  Apartments.  More trees than apartments.  

Did I tell you that I have a beautiful view from my suite?  From here, I can see 3 of my childhood homes.  I can see things I like such as trees, apartments, blue sky, and more trees.  I can see the birds.  

I cannot see mountains.  The Greater Toronto Area is a flat landmass devoid of mountains.  I miss the mountains.  I miss being in Korea and Japan.  Over seventy percent of South Korea’s land mass is mountainous.  The more southern parts of Japan share similar topography.

I miss Korea.  I miss Japan.  I miss my Korean and Japanese friends.  I miss my friends right here in Canada as I cope with this lockdown.  

I fight.  I fight off the mad thoughts.  I battle the maniacal thoughts which try to convince me to give up this fight for a normal life.  I fight the dreaded thought that the rest of life may be under isolation.  I fight loneliness by taking another sip of alcohol and starting another playlist.  

I stare through my large picture windows.  I think. I drink.  I merely exist. I am in isolation.  It will get better. Life shall return. I am big.  I am sexy.  I am great and so are you.