Fear of Flying

As a child, I had a fear of flying. Looking back, I can say it was an irrational fear. When I think about it, I believe that this fear came from watching movies involving plane crashes. It did not help that as I grew older, I was drawn to news articles about plane crashes. The thing that I feared most was drawing my attention via headlines.

I have always been fascinated by the world. I love reading about different countries and cultures. Geography was one of if not my favourite courses in school. I love maps. From childhood to this very day, I can often be found staring at maps. You know the old saying, “Google is your friend”? Well at times for me, “Google Maps is my friend.” I love perusing Google Maps and Google Earth. I also use KakaoMaps, Line, and Open Streetmap.

The older I became, the more curious I was about different countries and societies. I was blessed to have been born in the very diverse city of Toronto. Toronto is home to speakers of over 180 languages! I grew up with friends who they or their parents came from other countries.

There is only so much one can learn about different lands and cultures without truly experiencing them in the flesh. I dreamed of traveling but feared flying. This was akin to a tug of war within my very being.

In 2008, a dear friend of mine informed me that she would be returning home to Nova Scotia. We promised to keep in contact after her departure. While chatting one night, she mentioned something about the ocean to which I informed her that I had never seen the ocean. She excitedly demanded that I go to see her in Nova Scotia so that I may see the ocean. I could not say no.

My friend left for Nova Scotia soon after. She promised to text me as soon as she arrived. She was taking a bus because she had lost her identification and could not board an airplane.

I waited and waited for her text. I am the type of person who worries about those I care about. Twenty-six hours later, I received a text. She had arrived home and was safe and sound with her parents.

I was amazed to find out that the bus trip takes so long. Nova Scotia sure is far from Ontario. When I agreed to visit Nova Scotia, I had planned to take the train or bus. Discovering that the bus ride was so long, I realized that a trip there and back would use up two of my vacation days. There was no way I could waste so much time.

I searched online for plane trips and was amazed to discover that flights to Nova Scotia only took two hours! As a numbers guy, I just could not avoid the elephant in the room. I needed to fly. I feared flying. Something had to change and soon.

I started searching the Interwebs for all the information I could gather about airplanes and flight. The more I read, the more fascinated I became. I found articles by pilots who inspired me to lose my fear. One article in particular had the most impact on me.

This particular pilot absolutely loved flying. They loved flying so much that they spent some of their free time on a forum discussing all things aviation with people from all over the world. The passion these pilots had for flying really did encourage me to take on my fears.

I told you that I am a numbers guy…. well, I remember years prior, after surviving a horrific car accident, learning that we are 100,000x more likely to die in a car accident than a plane crash.

I started to research flight statistics and data. I studied aircraft and learned about air currents, thrust, engines, and flying techniques. I communicated with aviation enthusiasts and fans alike.

One evening, my friend Bob offered to take me to an air show! He brought me to an air show at Downsview. I had a fantastic time checking out all sorts of aircraft. They even had a life-size replica of the famed Avro Arrow!

I finally decided to buy a plane ticket. I did not have a passport since I had never flown before. When we were younger, we did not need a passport to drive into the USA, which was the only other country I had visited up until that year.

I bought the tickets and was both excited and nervous. I went to my family doctor and told him about my situation. He prescribed me some anti-anxiety pills to take before take-off.

I spent the morning of my flight texting with another friend Sabrina. She had decided to keep in contact with me upon learning that I was nervous about flying. She kept in touch with me throughout my airport experience right up to boarding the plane.

From the night before, I had conditioned myself to think that it might be my last night. I told myself not to worry and that if I don’t make it, it was meant to be.

I took the pill and laid back in my seat. The airplane started pushback (which is when it is pushed backwards away from the gate). When we arrived at the runway, I thought to myself, wow. I am finally going to do this.

To my horror, an announcement came over the speakers informing us that we will be delayed due to a mechanical problem.

Just my luck! My first time on a plane and there is a mechanical problem?

They shut down the power to the airplane and it started to get hot as the sun beamed through the windows on a hot June morning. I sat back in my seat trying hard not to think about what might happen. I heard noises coming from under the plane. It sounded like they were repairing something.

Forty-five minutes later, the captain announced that all is good and we will be taking off. We started going down the runway and I sat back in my seat and thought to myself, we are moving.

We are moving along the runway. This is getting fast. Why am I not panicking? I guess the pill is working. I feel relaxed. Let’s just sit back and look out the window.

We are lifting off. Wow. I am not afraid. This is amazing. I am in the air for the very first time. Wow. We are now above the clouds. I have never seen the tops of clouds before. It is so peaceful up here. I lived my entire life until this moment having only seen one side of the clouds. There must be millions of people who never seen this. This is so beautiful.

I really enjoyed the flight. It was a moment I will never forget. I was so happy to have finally conquered that irrational fear.

As we approached Halifax, Nova Scotia, our captain informed us that there is a heavy thunderstorm up ahead.

Just my luck! My first flight and first there was a mechanical problem, now a storm? Somehow I was not panicked. The pill really did allow me to not worry.

We landed safely and I was disappointed to not hear people cheering and clapping. It was then I realized that only in movies do people cheer upon landing. I was sure glad that I did not clap nor cheer, I would have looked foolish.

I had a wonderful time in Nova Scotia. My friend, her sister, and her best friend – another big guy just like myself, were the best hosts a guy could ever hope for on his first really vacation. They introduced me to all sorts of beautiful places.

One evening, we went out for a drive through Eastern Passage. It was a beautiful night for a drive just looking at the scenery. We stopped by a site which was the set for the Trailer Park Boys television series. We then drove to a beach and parked.

It was eerily quiet as we walked towards the water. Nobody said a word. I stopped, and prayed by the water. I had finally seen the ocean. I prayed for the souls of my many ancestors who were lost in the Atlantic Ocean during the Transatlantic Slave Trade.

When I was done praying, my friend approached me and told me that she somehow knew that I would want to do something like that when we arrived at the sea. She just had this feeling which is why she never said a word as we walked to the water’s edge. We all hugged and cheered and posed for photos. It was a special moment for me.

On the day of my return flight, we went to lunch at an incredible seafood restaurant called John’s Lunch. While driving to the airport, I received a text message from Air Canada informing me that my flight would be delayed due to stormy weather in the Toronto area.

Just my luck again! First a mechanical problem before takeoff in Toronto, then a thunderstorm before landing in Halifax, and now stormy weather in Toronto when I am scheduled to return?

Eventually my flight arrived and I boarded a different craft… this one was a brand-new Embraer E-190. It had that new-car smell! I had read about Air Canada purchasing these jets just days or weeks prior to my flight. I was thrilled to be riding a brand-new aircraft. The flight out of Toronto was on an Airbus A319. My first two flights were on different planes by different manufacturers. I thought this was pretty cool.

As our plane approached the Greater Toronto Area, I noticed that the weather was perfect! Whatever storm held us back was long gone. It was a perfectly sunny day! Flying over Toronto was a treat. I was able to spot all sorts of landmarks on our way to Pearson International Airport. When we arrived near the airport, the plane banked right and made a circle to line up with the runway. This was really cool and the visual was stunning.

I arrived home safely and proud of my accomplishment. I continued to study airplanes and watch videos online. My next trip was to Asia… South Korea to be exact. My friends thought I was crazy to make that my second trip via airplane. Halifax, Nova Scotia is “only” 1,264 kilometres from Toronto. Seoul, South Korea is 10,594 kilometres away!!!

I have since flown several times around East Asia and even got into flight simulators via X-Plane 11 on PC and Infinite Flight on mobile. Flying is such a complex, yet rewarding task. I now understand why pilots are so enthusiastic about their profession. I have also purchased several books written by pilots, plane enthusiasts, and technical people involved in the industry.

Let us hope and pray that we all defeat this pandemic so that we may return to flying around the world. I dream of a day when I no longer live here full-time, but spend my time in several cities around the world.